Mountain Dew, Cool Ranch Doritos and Candy Bars

The breakfast and lunch of ……. a future holistic health and fitness coach? It may be hard to believe, but, that was my breakfast and lunch for at least a full year in high school. I would get picked up by a friend for school and we would stop at the Speedy Q where we would get breakfast. My go to was Mountain Dew and cool ranch Doritos (cool ranch was a new flavor at the time). In my school our Spanish club sold candy bars year round for their trip to Spain. Sadly, I ate the gooey caramel one almost daily for lunch. I stepped it up a bit senior year and ate a super bagel and fries at Charlie Brown’s every day. Charlie Brown’s was an ice cream place that was off limits for lunch because we weren’t allowed to leave school property. The craving for super bagels must have been pretty bad since I seem to remember serving detention a time or two. Horrifying isn’t it? Somehow, with those habits, I remained very thin and relatively healthy. I think it must have been because my mom cooked healthy meals every night. One nutritious meal a day kept the doctor away. Well, when I was a kid anyway. In college, I drank double shot mocha’s two to three times a day. Except in the summer time. Tim Horton’s came out with a frozen mocha that was ridiculous and yes, I had at least one a day. I was already a personal trainer at this time! Hell of a role model, huh? My habits sucked! 

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What I See

I have recently come to terms with the day I will have to say goodbye to Jackson. I have done this many times over the 11 years that we have been blessed enough to share a home with this beautiful soul. He hasn’t had an easy life and it certainly hasn’t been easy being his mom. That’s a story for another day. My boy is declining in physical body and, in fact, has been since the day we got him. He is a fighter, though, and he has defied the odds. I love my dogs. That is no secret. Some might call it obsessed. Some people think that my judgement is clouded and that I can’t see the writing on the wall. I can feel the pity they feel for me when they think I am in denial of what is happening to my baby. Strangers give us the looks too. Like they feel for me, but, think I am being selfish for keeping this physically broken down hound on this earth. I assure you I am not selfishly or desperately hanging on. I see something that you cannot see. You couldn’t possibly. You don’t know him like I do. You may know his physical body. I know his soul. Selfishness is the furthest thing from what I am when it comes to Jackson. The sadness that is felt when your buddy is deteriorating before your eyes can’t be compared to anything else. The fear of how he will pass, when he will pass and if it will be peaceful visits you when you least expect it. The well meaning words you play over and over in your head that came from people who love you can leave you questioning your own sanity. Watching their functionality dwindle is like having […]

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